Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Directed by: Michael Bay
Cast: Shia LeBeouf as Sam Witwicky
Josh Duhamel as Commander Lennox
John Turturro as Simmons
Tyrese Gibson as Epps
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as Carly
Patrick Dempsey as Dylan

Rated PG 13

*The following may contain spoilers*
The Transformers franchise is kind of the "black sheep" of my DVD collection. I was never a huge fan of the action figures growing up and by the time I got around to watching Michael Bay's renditions, the hype was dying down, so I was never enamored by them. Sure, the first two were entertaining, but I have to admit, I was never excited for the third one. Revenge of the Fallen lacked the integrity of the first and just felt like it was trying too hard and I didn't feel like it deserved a sequel.
However, once I saw the trailer, I was pretty pumped to see the graphics. So, like every other fanboy, I saw it opening weekend. I probably could have waited.

Dark of the Moon begins about two years after Revenge of the Fallen. Sam Witwicky has been honored as a hero and received a medal from Obama. Now, after breaking up with Mikayla (their lame excuse to write out Megan Fox), Sam is sitting around, mooching off his new girlfriend and wishing he was someone important, not unlike Shia LaBeouf's real life.

Wait, he might be homeless.

Meanwhile, in the world of the things I payed to see and actually care about, the Autobots have discovered a lost and ancient warship on the dark side of the moon.Of course, it contains some type of weapon that the Decepticons want too, so they all start this massive race to the moon and it's only a matter of minutes before things start exploding. Kind of like the 60's.

Thank you, Simon

What I Liked: 
Say what you want about the rest of the movie (and believe me, I will), but the effects were outstanding. I've got a weakness for giant robots fighting through the streets of Washington while lightning fires into the sky behind them.
The plot for Dark of the Moon was also good, and definitely a lot better than I expected. Somehow, they managed to stay original after three movies and you've always got to respect that.
 
What I Didn't Like: 
Unfortunately, my good thoughts are overshadowed by the bad ones.
Let's start with the length of the movie. Two and a half hour movies are only allowed for those that are clearly epic, such as Star Wars, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. These franchises deserve two and a half hours of my time. However, when the movie is out to fill a time limit when they're first writing it, it just doesn't work. This is how Dark of the Moon felt. Instead of being 150 minutes of enthralling awesomeness, it was 150 minutes of up-and-down plot that went from awesome robot battles to Sam's relationship issues and I found myself growing bored to the point where I just wanted it to be over by the time the climax rolled around. I feel like the whole thing could have been a lot more enjoyable if they had kept it to 2 hours or less.

Next, let's discuss Sam's relationship issues, as I mentioned above. I personally felt that Megan Fox contributed something to the first two movies; she saved the day in the first one by dragging Bumblebee around and, even though she was more of a token hot girl in the second, you still got the feeling that she didn't need Sam and she could take care of her self. This new chick, Carly, is literally just there to look pretty.

She probably can't beat you up.

Carly spends the entire movie in a skintight outfit and sitting kidnapped in the bad guy's office. That's right; she's the damsel in distress and is the reason that Sam goes to ground zero. It was pathetic. It gets worse when, after running through ash, soot and bullets, Carly is unscathed, hair and make-up perfectly arranged.  Carly seriously had no point in this movie.
On the same, but a weaker note, I can kind of understand Sam landing Megan Fox; she's kind of naturally attractive and, you know, it's Hollywood. Carly though looks like, dresses like and apparently has the money of a supermodel. How did Shia LaBeouf of all people manage to pull that off?! Make's no sense. At all.


As I said in my intro, I really wasn't expecting much plot-wise and really only paid to see the giant robot fights and sexy cars. Frankly, there were not enough of those. The plot focused too much on Sam's emotional drama and quest to be somebody and not on the Transformers. Last I checked, I paid $7.00 to see TRANSFORMERS: Dark of the Moon, not How Shia LaBeouf Made Something of His Life. Which is good, because that would have been false advertising.


Final Thoughts:
My friend once gave me his theory on Michael Bay movies: "The first one is great, the second one is terrible but the third one will always have great graphics." You were almost right, dude. I just wish the graphics would have been a little more frequent in this one. Overall, I didn't hate the film and found it entertaining. However, it could have been something great if we had less emotional crap and more robot battles over a shorter period of time. That's it. Easy enough.

When Should You See It?
It already made 372 million dollars last weekend. Does Michael Bay really need more of your money? Just wait for the DVD.

Personal Rating: 4 of 10
Plot: 4 of 10
Sexuality/Sensuality: 2 of 10

Drugs/Alcohol: 1 of 10